People are discussing body modifications and the new era of man-technology hybrids. As exciting and creepy as all of this is, my dream for techy physical enhancements is simple, perhaps even mundane. I don’t want laser eyes or a hand that is also a phone. I want the Mac System Error Beep.

Some of you may laugh, but I want to be able to open my mouth and scream and have that noise come out loudly. I envision it would sound a lot like this: “AAAAHHHHHEEEEP!”

You may be wondering how this could possibly be useful. I think it will be useful in every aspect of my life.

With my mother:

Mom: So, have you given much thought to grad school?

Me: AAAHHHHEEP!

Mom: Alex?*EEEEP!*I’m*EEEEEEP!*Become a lawyer?*EEEEEEP!*Oh fine, I give up.

At work:

Coworker: Can you update this page with this information?

Me: Sure!

Coworker: Oh darn, turns out I gave you the wrong data. You’re going to have to do it all over again.

Me: AAAHHHHHHHHEEEP!

At home, with Manfriend:

Manfriend: You have to go to bed, it’s very late.

Me: AAAHHHHEEEEP!

With small children:

Child: I want a bunny!!!

Me: AAAHHHEEEP!

Child: AAHHHHH!

Me: AAAAAHHHEEEP!

Child: AAAAHHHHHHHAHHHHHH!

Me: Fuck. This isn’t working.

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