tony: have you watched Chuck at all?
alex: no
tony: it’s pretty amusing, the guy from firefly is hilarious in his role, and the girl is hooOOOt, which doesnt hurt at all
alex: it’s chuck himself i can’t stand
tony: haha, what dont you like about him
alex: everything.
tony: so you have watched it then
alex: seen it, not watched. difference. i’ve seen the previews and caught the end while waiting for the next show. there seemed to be a tremendous amount of whining and angst and stupid dude with his stupid hair and stupid face doing most of it.
tony: hm, havent really noticed that
alex: and somehow hot chick is all about it and like, conflicted and shit. how is that a conflict? you’re a secret agent right? shoot the bitch. and by bitch, i refer to chuck. just kill his stupid whiny ass. PROBLEMS SOLVED.
tony: oh you’re talking about the first episode or whatever
alex: i have no idea.
tony: yeah she couldnt kill him, that was kind of the problem
alex: i thought it was later when there was some sort of romance between them
tony: going into the show i thought chuck was supposed to be a former secret agent with amnesia, so i was pleasantly surprised
alex: so he’s really just a complete dumbass? not like, a tragically accidental dumbass?
tony: his former college roommate was a secret agent that sent him some mind control dealeo in an email, he opened it and trance absorbed the content of the CIA/NSA carnivore program, essentially, and since his friend blew up the mainframe before he died chuck is the only one that knows that stuff now, so they cant kill him
alex: carnivore program? trance abso.. what?
tony: the trance thing was made up bullshit. basically he just magically absorbed all that knowledge the computer had
alex: yeah, see that’s.. that’s what gets me, because with the trance absorbing it sounded like he occasionally turns into a werewolf when he smoked pot. which seems like a highly implausible reason not to kill someone. immediately. and with extreme prejudice.
tony: well thats just how im describing it – it was a computer monitor flashing tons of random images while he stood there hypnotized
alex: also, can we talk about how fucking insane the idea that someone can absorb a computer program? that’s … no, that’s not how this works. hypothetically, if something had interrupted his trance, while he was in trance state, like if his cat came over and like attacked the screen, would that become part of the program? would it nullify the entire thing, or would he somehow “trance” enhance the existing software, with like fucking poptart cat
tony: theoretically it’s probably marginally possible but only in the sense of repeated viewings of the same picture sequence to shove it into memory, not useful for massive amounts of data
alex: no, i’m not asking from like, real life science and logic, i’m asking from the bullshit logic of the show. would it, hypothetically, using this insane reasoning, be possible to intersperse nyan cat into the code. as a consequence of trance encountering both at once
tony: i have no idea, all i know is he stood there for an implied 12 hours or so, and then fell over unconscious
alex: i suppose they glossed right over the fact that he shat/pissed himself
tony: haha, im okay with suspension of disbelief for one or two plot points within any show or movie, except in the case where it’s something stupid the character did or didn’t do that’s totally illogical. like in xmen first class where he didnt kill the dude in the beginning
alex: right
tony: but killed the two guards
alex: right, thus demonstrating a mastery of his power and eliminating any doubt that he might have the ability or will to kill a bitch.but yes, sorry, everything about chuck enrages me. consequently, i do not “watch” it
tony: it ruins it for me when they pull a lost and just keep adding things though
alex: dude, lost and bsg were the major disappointments of my television watching life
tony: bsg didnt bother me really, except for toward the end where everyone was a cylon
alex: yeah, and then “oh it was all god’s plan.”
“wut.”
“yeah, we realized we didn’t have to write anymore and could just chill out for the last two seasons. see, because it was GOD.”
tony: that whole incident with the mechanic guy beating the shit out of his wife or whatever and being all angsty was weird
alex: “wut.”
“It’s a writing device called deus ex machina. you probably wouldn’t understand.”
“wut.”
“it’s complex writer stuff.”
tony: i dont even remember how they ended the series, at that point i wasnt really paying attention
alex: “wut.”
“it’s like an elaborate code for not working but still getting paid.”
“wut.”
tony: haha
alex: “like on lost, where they came up with all of those mysteries and plot twists that didn’t need to be answered.”
“wut.”
“because it was all magic.”
“wut.”
“And also god. and everyone was dead. and it was the afterlife. Because god.”
tony: i was smart with lost, i saw that coming and stopped watching after they did the flash forward to them getting off the island with 2-3 seasons left
alex: dude, i normally find nerdrage funny and i rarely participate, but that pissed me off, but it pissed me off SO MUCH that i went past rage to just sad and exasperated. like, wtf. and then i nerdrage started writing a book to “show them, show them all.”
tony: i think the firefly guy is the best character on chuck
alex: i love that dude. i would probably suffer through chuck just to see him. but until you said that he’s in it, i had no idea. you know why? cos chuck. chuck filled my vision and i couldn’t breathe right, and i felt ill and i had to lie down, so i couldn’t even get through the chuck scene. is what i’m saying.
tony: haha, for a show that is named chuck it actually has less of him than id expect – most scenes he seems like a supporting character for the storyline
alex: then i have been unfortunate to just see his stupid, stupid face
tony: he seems like the guy thats just there to tie all the other characters together
alex: all over every fucking thing in relation to the show
tony: yes, chuck did just order chinese takeout on a stakeout of a chinese restaurant
alex: so it’s basically just a show that makes fun of the mentally handicapped. that’s not cool.
tony: i think this show would make you like the firefly guy even more, since most of the time he’s either giving chuck crap or being prevented from beating him up by the blonde chick
alex: no, i would just be frustrated by that, ”WHY WON’T THEY LET YOU KILL THAT RETARDED MAN WHO PUTS ALL OF YOUR MISSIONS AND LIVES INTO EXTREME JEOPARDY!?”

alex: ok, ok, so he’s got all of this knowledge, and they give him a hot baby sitter? HAHAHAHAH. when do they do the reveal at the end of the series that this is his fantasy to help him survive the extreme torture
tony: haha
alex: they put him through to extract the information he has. because i swear to god, i would watch it if that were the case

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