So, I got the following in my email today:

The subject is really what cracks me up, because in reading it, I pronounce it, and invariably, it sounds like this.

Also, I like how you can buy online ear infections. Didn’t know that was a thing.

When/if we have kids, I will keep a small notebook on me at all times. Whenever our child complains that something is unfair, or that they are displeased with how a situation has progressed, I will pull out the notebook and write it down. I imagine something like this will unfold:

At two years:

“No no no no no!”
“[Baby awesome*] does not want to put on pants. Noted.” And I will proceed to write something in the notebook.

At three years:

“I don’t want carrots!”
“[Baby awesome] does not want carrots. Noted.”
“What are you doing?”
“Making a note of your complaint.”
“Oh.” I assume this will baffle our child all of once. 

At some point, the notebook will cease to confound them. Instead, they will either ignore it, or insist on seeing it. At this point, [baby awesome] will still not be able to read. I will happily show them the notebook. They may attempt to write in it themselves, or destroy it. I will allow them to do neither.

I will let this progress for as long as it is amusing and as long as the kid puts up with it. Eventually, the kid will get old enough to sense taunting, at which point the notebook will be put away for a few years.

Eventually, the kid will find it and read it. And they will realize… they have been trolled so hard.

*placeholder name

So we drove out to New Jersey today and wound up talking about man-madediamonds.com, a thoroughly disturbing website. We’re still very self-conscious about being recorded, but maybe you’ll find this amusing. DO NOT BE AFRAID TO TELL US TO STOP RECORDING IF THIS IS DUMBNESS. We won’t be upset, we’ll appreciate you being honest before we made bigger fools out of ourselves.

We decided to relax tonight and order some takeout and watch a movie. Mid-movie, Manfriend turns to me, and says, “Would you mind… if we took a break?”
Shocked, I looked at him, “What!”
“…from the … movie?”
“You… you really need to work on your phrasing.”

In other news, it’s official: we’re domestic partners. We’ll be drinking a toast, in paper cups, of boxed wine. Happy holidays, everyone.