Archive for the ‘Rants’ Category

March 7th, 2010

In our house, recently, we’ve been discussing the injustices of life, like, why real estate is so crazy inflated in Philadelphia, and why Alex can’t get a little chihuahua right now. Of all of these, however, the most unfair and cruel realities of them all is the tremendous discrepancy in underwear pricing for men and women.

OBSERVE, NON BELIEVERS:

There are several problems with this. keep reading »

February 13th, 2010

Hey, do you like fish? Do you ever order fish at restaurants? Have you ever been asked this question when ordering? We had a server today who asked me, “How do you want your [grilled] fish cooked? Rare?”

No, I don’t want raw fish. Fish, depending on what it is, needs to be cooked differently, and I expect the chef to know that. The first time I was asked this question I sort of stared at my waiter and said, “I don’t understand. Just however the chef would ordinarily prepare it. That’s what I want to shove into my mouth.” keep reading »

February 6th, 2010

We’re about to be hit with this intense storm. I was just at the food store to pick up food for tomorrow if we get snowed in. I live in a major city. Not near a major city, in a major city. I don’t have a car, because I can walk to everything. Because I live in a major city. So what’s perplexing to me is that the shelves were empty. People were squealing into the parking lot and running, running into the food store to pick up all the non-perishable food they could find, and a head of lettuce. No, seriously. Every non-perishable item was gone. And the lettuce. Fuck you guys.

keep reading »

October 7th, 2009

I had originally password protected this because I was afraid people would read this and take away only the fact that I had at one point considered dumping a shit load of bodies in a ravine in South Philly. Then set them on fire. CONTEXT IS SO IMPORTANT. I’m making it public for two three reasons: 1) it’s fucking funny; 2) it’s like reading one of my normal blog entries ON SPEED – I can’t remember exactly why, though it may have been beer and or sleep deprivation; 3) there’s a 75% chance it will earn me a concerned phone call from my mother.

Why is this a common theme for horror movie scenarios? I guess it would be unnerving if you woke up and it was just you and no one else anywhere ever, and you were alone for the rest of your life until you died, the end. I guess. I mean, it doesn’t really horrify me personally, but I can kind of understand why it might be eerie.

I personally have amazing dreams where the city is completely abandoned, and it’s just me running around, exploring alleys and houses and little shops that look like someone just stepped out. I might see something out of the corner of my eye or hear something just behind me, but in those dreams, it’s kind of exciting, not terrifying or horrible. Everything’s in sepia tone, too. In those dreams. keep reading »

June 12th, 2009

I don’t generally bother with stuff like this, but I want to point a few things out. After all, everyone’s got an opinion, and I’m no exception. For those of you lucky enough to have no idea who Carrie is or what all of this is about, she’s the former Miss California 2009 beauty queen. Perez Hilton, a gossip blogger, was a judge for the competition and asked Ms. Prejean what her stance on gay marriage was. It should come as no surprise that Hilton, an openly gay man, would be offended by her answer, which was not at all in support of gay rights. Prejean was later fired for “failing to meet contractual obligations.” keep reading »