Archive for the ‘Manfriend’ Category

March 6th, 2010

So, I’ve recently been waging a campaign against manfriend’s cold heart. More specifically, I’ve been trying to convince him that we should get a dog at some undisclosed point in the future that IS NOT NOW. We both laughed hysterically at this video:

After which he informed me, “this still doesn’t mean you can get a dog. Keep watching videos. Of other people’s dogs.”

February 27th, 2010

Today, we started spring cleaning. Our house smells so much cleaner, and we generally feel better about living here (again). I walked out of the bathroom after scrubbing the tub and said to manfriend, “I just want to say, right here and now, that I’m a domestic fucking goddess.”

“More like a domestic werewolf,” he replied. “Every full moon you clean like a beast.”

February 21st, 2010

I hate bloggers who think that because you visit their site, they can tell you really gross stuff about themselves, things they haven’t really typically done before. Like, they get daring and want to wow you with their ability to talk about poop. I’m not that kind of blogger. This entry is about my pee, and that’s an important distinction.

So at 3 am, I wake up and realize I have a bladder infection. While peeing, I call my doctor, get a prescription called in to a 24-hour pharmacy, and my superhero boyfriend gets on his bike and rides over to pick it up. For the first time ever, I also get this stuff called phenazopyridine, (google it), that does little else except turn my pee dayglo orange. It’s a dye that’s supposed to limit the effects of a bladder infection, the burning, the constant need to pee, all of that, while the antibiotics do their thing. keep reading »

February 11th, 2010

1. You should NOT light a kerosene lamp to keep warm when you still have electricity. This isn’t olden times.
2. More critically, you should NOT fall asleep and forget about your kerosene lamp and then let it set your apartment on fire.
3. I will have dreams I’m in a food court talking to a beautiful Burger King employee wearing only a beaded bra. The fire alarm will catch us both by surprise:

“Is that the fire alarm?” I ask.
“The food court fire alarm doesn’t sound like that,” she replies.
“So that must mean this is all a dream. And there’s a fire in my apartment building.”
“You really thought this was the new Burger King uniform? Really.”

keep reading »

January 7th, 2010

• Get a gym membership. OH YES. We’re going to stand around in black and white, draped over each other, wearing only underwear and looking hungover and stoned. Like Calvin Klein models!
• Cook at home way, way more. We’re both so sick of eating out all the time. Oh no, you may be saying, what does this mean for your blogging? More womanly pictures of food and recipes? FUCK YES. Delete my blog from your feed readers now, friends, lest you get hungry.
• IKEA furniture! I have gotten manfriend to the point of indifference, which is a hell of an achievement, since his normal reaction to furniture is malice. Chairs tremble in fear of him. I got some plates the other night and made him eat food off of them. On purpose. And, it’s starting to look mighty fancy in here.
• Fiscal responsibility. Dun dun dun… You know why?
• Because we want to go on trips. Aruba, Bahama, Minnesota… wait, what?
• And visiting my relatives in the midwest is on the docket, too.