Electric Boogaloo: well, i must be off to bed. i slept like 10 hours all weekend
alex: i should do the same. dude, i went to bed at 6 am. >_<
Electric Boogaloo: i’ll probably be a zombie tomorrow morning. aghh! 6AM?!
alex: we will be zombie friends!
Electric Boogaloo: wow
alex: yeah, when manfriend’s out of town, i relapse hardcore
Electric Boogaloo: luckily, alcohol allowed me to both pass out in the car. and directly after getting home. keep reading »

Hello Internet, my name is Alex and this is a story about how I grew up to become a preschooler. A drunk preschooler.

Every quarter my company has a giant meeting to discuss how fantastic we are and how much ass we kick. We compare lists of names with one another, (this is especially important for team building with other offices, as we don’t see them often), and share tips on the most effective ass-kicking footwear.

That was a slight exaggeration. Here’s a fact: keep reading »

I stepped into the elevator earlier this week, after the whole Monday morning roach fiasco, and a couple of ladies got on as well.

One of the ladies gasped, and I looked around to try and discern what the source of her alarm was. I saw what looked like a giant roach in the floor of the elevator in front of her, its little antenna waving. I gasped as well, prepared to cling to the nearest tall person and climb my way up to their face.

“What’s wrong?” One of the ladies asked.
“I forgot my purse upstairs!”
“Oh no!”

I looked at the roach and I realized it was just a giant fuzzy ball of lint. I tried to yawn gaspily to make it seem like I had just been tired.

These questions are search terms through which people find and click through to my site. I will endeavor to answer them to the best of my knowledge.

1. Why do I hear a knock in the bathroom door?
Because you’ve been in there for over two hours now, and people are beginning to worry.

2. dreaming about being the last person left
Is natural and healthy.

3. drend pa fuk mom
I… I don’t know. keep reading »

Recently, a rumor has been spreading that before I began my current job, I was a merchant marine. Between cussing like a sailor, my grizzled and half-crazy glare, and the smell of sea salt on my person, (new shampoo from Lush), I’m embracing this rumor and running with it. Check out some of these vintage posters:

They so accurately reflect my work ethic. I plan on peppering these slogans into my work emails.