In the following interview with God, I ask him some questions that have been puzzling me as we draw ever closer to Rapture Day. Hopefully these will put your minds at ease in the coming days.

A: I know most people refer to Rapture Day as ‘the Rapture,’ ‘Judgement Day,’ ‘the end times,’ ‘armageddon,’ and a lot of other negative terms. This is odd, since it seems like most people who believe in Rapture Day believe that they will be among the ones who get raptured. What’s your take on this?

G: I like “Rapture Day,” it makes it sound like an American holiday. Which it kind of is. I see your point about the negativity surrounding the rapture. I suppose it has to do with people believing that the Rapture will herald the end of the world.

A: That seems a little arrogant, though. I mean, just because a bunch of religious people get hoovered up into heaven, that doesn’t mean the world can’t function without them.

G: Did you just say ‘hoovered up into heaven’? keep reading »

“Michael. MICHAEL. MICHAEL! MICHAEL!MICHAEL!MICHAEL!MICHAEL!”
“What. WHAT?!”
“Kill it kill it kill it kill it! Agkgh!”
“Kill what? A bug? I’m doing something.”
“It’s going to RAPE US AND SUCK OUR BRAINS THROUGH OUR EARS!”
“HOLY SHIT THAT THING’S HUGE.”

I’m not ashamed to admit that I fled. A few minutes later after the sounds of fighting had died down, I cautiously peered out.

“Did you kill it?”
“Yes, it’s dead.”
“Where is it?”
“On the chair.”
“Holy crap, dude.”
“Yeah… I really killed it.”
“It … it exploded.”

He left it as a warning to other giant bugs who might accost us.

For those of you who’ve kept up on our war against bugs that find their way into our home, this was not a house centipede. Rather, it was a huge fucking horse fly. We get one in the house every few years, and every few years, we kill it dead and leave its corpse out for a while as a message. It seems to be fairly effective.

If you haven’t yet heard of A Game of Thrones, let me be the one to introduce you to it. GoT is the first in a fantastic book series by George R. R. Martin and has recently been adapted for television by HBO. (Check it out Sunday nights if you’re so lucky to be a subscriber).

The reason I bring this up is because I had bought the first book several years ago, in my quest to find some good fantasy to sink my teeth into. This was the height of college pressure – late night projects, internships, multiple part time jobs, a zillion commitments pulling me in a zillion directions. I opened the book and read the first few pages, then cast it aside for almost four years before I tried picking it up again.

It wasn’t even that the book didn’t interest me initially. It actually infuriated me. I passionately hated the series based only on the first few pages of the first book. If there is a harsher critic, I do not know of them. keep reading »