10 Things I’ve Learned from the Blizzard of ‘10
1. You should NOT light a kerosene lamp to keep warm when you still have electricity. This isn’t olden times.
2. More critically, you should NOT fall asleep and forget about your kerosene lamp and then let it set your apartment on fire.
3. I will have dreams I’m in a food court talking to a beautiful Burger King employee wearing only a beaded bra. The fire alarm will catch us both by surprise:
“Is that the fire alarm?” I ask.
“The food court fire alarm doesn’t sound like that,” she replies.
“So that must mean this is all a dream. And there’s a fire in my apartment building.”
“You really thought this was the new Burger King uniform? Really.”
4. Slippers are not good for walking through several feet of snow. In fact, they’re terrible. Though surprisingly, if you manage to avoid getting any snow in them, which is next to impossible, they are very warm.
5. When at the corner store getting coffee, a neighbor may recognize you:
“Oh, you must be from the apartment building. I had a little more time to get ready, but I live in there too.”
“You mean, you don’t get coffee in a blizzard wearing only slippers and pjs?”
“Not regularly, no.”
6. Even the morning after a blizzard, six or seven fire trucks plus an ambulance and various support vehicles will still manage to converge on one city block. That hasn’t really been plowed much yet.
7. Firemen are the same, throughout time. They have a good sense of humor, but you get the sense you would not want to be on the other side of a fight with them. It might have been the snow and the crazy amount of stuff they were carrying, but they certainly seem to have a swagger.
“Thank you for everything!” Said a neighbor, enthusiastically.
“Any time, ma’am.” Replied a fireman. “Well, not any time, but, you know, it was my pleasure.”
8. You can still get a shitload of water up to an apartment in close-to-freezing temperatures. I feel bad for whoever lives under that apartment.
9. Manfriend will sleep through the fire alarm and have to be woken up. Repeatedly.
10. Snow’s great when you don’t have to shovel it.
BONUS:
11. The last thing you want to hear while you’re in the bathroom is the fire alarm going off for the second time. On the bright side, it does put a few things in perspective. And we responded a lot faster than we did when we were woken up by it. Fuck. Today is going to be awesome.
p.s. I did NOT set the fire. In fact, I’m beginning to think there’s a competition between my neighbors to see how many firetrucks they can get on any given day. I imagine they’re two angry little old men from opposite sides of the building. And they mutter under their breath, things like: “Four alarm fire? That ain’t nothin. I’ll show him. I’ll spill some kerosene around and make everyone go outside in the snow at 7 am. Show them. I’ll show them all!”
3 Comments »
Firemen have to maintain a good-natured approach to life or they would tend to bitch slap most of the people who start fires.
Comment by Amanda C. — February 11, 2010 @ 7:39 am
I like to imagine their good humor stems out of their ruggedness and propensity to attract willing and attractive women (or men, I don’t judge).
Comment by alex — February 11, 2010 @ 7:51 am
Wow. Big day, huh?
Comment by Your Mom — February 11, 2010 @ 7:15 pm
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